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Self-Awareness and Your Relationships…

It is important to remember that very little in our lives will change when we continue to point fingers and assign blame to external sources…everything and everyone who surround us.

I often remind my clients in session that we really have absolutely no control over anyone but ourselves. For some clients, this can be a very liberating notion.

I try to help my clients to take notice of the following self-awareness points:

  • Who are you at the present moment?
  • Who have you been in the past?
  • Who are you on the road to becoming?
  • Are you making conscious choices in your life? Or, do you find yourself in “reaction mode” most of the time? Are you listening to those around you, or listening to your own voice?
  • How are you working towards creating the life and relationships that you want?

Many of us try to manipulate, change or save those around us (often in relationships) to no avail. Unfortunately, very rarely do things seem to change as we would like them to. As a result, we end up feeling exhausted and burned out (and sometimes angry and resentful, too).

I have heard the idea that our relationships are simply mirrors of ourselves. If we are unhealthy (emotionally/mentally, etc.) our relationships can become reflections of our wounds. If you don’t respect and take care of your needs, do you think that your partner will do so? If you don’t feel like you are a complete person, you may very well search out a partner who will make you complete…which can lead to a highly enmeshed and codependent relationship dynamic.

None of us are perfect, we are human! Perfection is an unattainable goal that only sets you up for failure. We all carry around wounds and hurts from the course of our lives. It can be helpful to take time to think about ourselves and our own levels of self-awareness. These questions can act as guides to start this process:

  • Are you currently involved in any unhealthy relationships?
  • What part do you play in this unhealthy relationship dynamic?
  • What would you like to be different in your relationships?
  • What steps can you take to improve your relationships?

When we go through life without  much self-awareness, we risk having a true lack of knowlege about what is actually influencing our important decisions and ultimately steering us in one direction or another. Most of our motivations and preferences stem from ideas and beliefs in our subconscious…we have learned these things as we have grown up, from our family of origin and our parents. Many of our choices are also guided by the pressures of society, parents, extended family members and close friends. I try to encourage my clients to step back and own their choices…and distinguish their thoughts from these outside influencers.

It is when we truly are able to get to know “me”…our beliefs, our dreams and our unique-ness that we can make conscious choices about the world around us…and reap the rewards of self-awareness.

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