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Dealing with Insecurity

Human beings are like sponges…from the moment we are born, we take in information, and most of this information affects us on some level. Everything that we see, experience and decide molds our self-concept. We have all been hurt, disappointed or rejected at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, it seems that many of these events which hurt us the most can also be the most difficult to recover from. Many of my clients tell me that they can easily remember more critical things that were said to them vs. compliments or praise. If these things were said by important people (i.e. parents, family members, etc.) they can be even more damaging.
I work with many of my clients to address and deal with insecurities and low self-esteem. It is important to not only confront these insecurities, but to try to get an idea of where they came from in the first place. This type of work can sometimes bring up a great deal of emotion and frustration…but it is an important piece of recognizing and understanding all of the influences on our sense of self.
Many of us find ourselves in situations which reinforce our insecurities. Sometimes this is unavoidable, but often it is not. As an example, it is difficult to avoid an intimidating boss at work unless you are willing to quit your job. However, you can try to set healthy boundaries with your colleagues, friends or family members. Many of my clients admit to feeling obligated to spend time with people or in situations that reinforce their insecurities…but you DO have a choice!
Try to take some time to think about setting healthy boundaries…these can limit your exposure to people/places which threaten your sense of self-worth. I work with my clients to help them reframe negative perceptions about themselves by replacing them with new, positive experiences. A great deal of our sadness comes from old hurts and events…and working through these in therapy can help you sort through these issues and move forward.
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